i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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