so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
