Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
