Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
