so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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