Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
