Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
worst night to have a conscience
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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