I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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