Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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