I think my fart just growled at me.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Found the puke drawer
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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