I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
