If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
