I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
