You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
