your room smells of hookers.
And success
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
