About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Randomize
