at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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