Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
