She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
