So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
