And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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