i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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