He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
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