There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
