Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
