From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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