I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
farters have to be the big spoon...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
