Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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