When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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