he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
