I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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