I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
