So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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