24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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