i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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