Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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