we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
