I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My pussy is not your playground.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
NoShamevember. You game?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
