I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
