Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
