While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
