I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
