How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
