so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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