If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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