Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
