i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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