It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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