The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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