It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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